Now

"Don't wait until everything is just right.  It will never be perfect.  There will always be challenges, obstacles and les than perfect conditions.  So What.  Get started now.  With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident, and more and more successful."

- Mark Victor Hansen

5 Things I Know To Be True

I know that I want to always be on the look out for inspiration. 

To have open eyes and an open heart to recognize when it seeks me out.

And to have the motivation to go in search of it when it seems scarce. 

I know that I have a sink full of dishes that, if I don't wash them tomorrow, will probably start making my kitchen smell funny.

I know that I usually talk too much, in too much detail, for too long, about things that the person listening has only a moderate interest in hearing. And that I usually don't realize it until I'm finished.

I know that the walls in my house are too white. But that no matter my intentions, and love of interesting and contrasting colors, the likelihood of me painting them before I move out sometime in the next year are slim to none.

I know that I am loved. And that I want to never again believe the lie that I am not.

The girl who waited

Waiting weighted with wonderings within and without. Wistful, yet wary of wandering.
Willfully wanting a way forward that would whisk away the distraction of longing, whilst remaining resolute in aforementioned affections. Applying wisdom, weeding out and wiping clear the waning warmth with which my appetite had been whetted. Whistling a wily tune of when and why, my weeping washes the windows of my soul. I reside where I am in this world, both wonderful and weary, worse for the welcome but content to contend for now. And so I wait.

Note to self:

When I start to feel lost or directionless, I have to seek out inspiration.
It's the most important thing.

Autumn

Magnolia leaves shining like satin as they tremble in the breeze.

A single dandelion bud standing tall and proud amidst the bark and wilted grass.

The tiniest black spider craftily sneaking up the mountain of faux leather, only to be rudely flung into the wind.

Sticky drippings of sap lazily making its way through the grooves of the roots.

The quivering tones of birds and squirrels speeding through the branches, blending oddly with the whoosh of traffic that sounds more distant than it is.

Feeling both numb and alive, grateful for the pricking painful reminders, and yet longing for rest.

Alpha...

The arrival of bountiful creative desires.
Energetically falling gracefully into hopeful intensity.
A journey kept living by moving nominally onward.
Perceptively questioning reason,
striving toward unity in various ways,
to examine the yearnings for zen.

Links to other cool stuff archive

10/19/11

"Synesthesia, from the ancient Greek, σύν (together), and αἴσθησις (sensation), is a neurologically based condition in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway."

How to Steal Like An Artist

Ladies and gentlemen, the practically inhuman Gillian Murphy

Would love to hire this guy to play music for us to dance to

Post-Katrina, graffiti said it all

This list is about things that inspire us...this blog is a constant source of both entertainment and inspiration

Considering our obsession with collaborative work, this is one of the coolest ideas/projects we've heard of in a while (full disclosure: the crush we've had on Joseph Gordon-Levitt pretty much since Angels In The Outfield, should in no way count as a bias towards this project)

Proof that dancers can be superheros

Like father, like son...both equally awesome

A world where people are just trying to connect

9/1/11

A day in the life of a Tibetan monk

Ok Go = awesome. Pilobolus = extra awesome. Therefore, by our calculations: Ok Go + Pilobolus = the awesomest thing ever

We could (and do) spend hours reading these

Zoe Keating...we have no words

The most brainy wedding photos ever

"Chinese super beautiful modern dance"...pretty much says it all

Dare you to watch this and not smile

The smallest, and largest stop animation films ever made...and both shot on a phone (be sure to also watch the "makings of"...it is seriously mind-blowing)

"Hey Ladies", an incredibly intriguing survey, put together by NPR, of women musicians from around the world

Can't decide if these make childhood monsters more scary or less...

Ballet is hard

7/2/11

The genius that is Radiolab

Currently kind of obsessed with Rodney Smith's photography & blog

"Life's too short for the wrong job"...we couldn't agree more

Brazil is beautiful

The lovely & brilliant work of Story Vessel Books

Timelapses videos that create eerily beautiful living photographs

"Her morning elegance"...stunning

You can thank us later for this

A vast plethora of design inspiration From Up North

"Jayus", an Indonesian word that means "A joke so poorly told and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh"...and 19 other awesomely un-translatable words from around the world

When the magic of dance and the magic of film collide, it creates something that neither could on their own

3 words...Indian. Pole. Gymnastics.

Neil Gaiman should rule the world

Falling's not the problem...

"I've fallen out of favor, and I've fallen from grace.
Fallen out of trees, and I've fallen on my face.
Fallen out of taxis, out of windows too.
Fell in your opinion when I fell in love with you.


I've danced myself up, I drunk myself down,
found people to love, loved people too drunk.
I'm not scared to jump, I'm not scared to fall,
if there was nowhere to land I wouldn't be scared at all.


Sometimes I wish for falling, wish for the release,
wish for falling through the air to give me some relief.
Because falling's not the problem, when I'm falling I'm at peace.
It's only when I hit the ground that causes all the grief."

I apparently picked the right profession

The past 4 days I have not wanted to dance.

I have not wanted to stretch.

I have not wanted to move.

The debate that usually happens in my head of deciding whether or not to go to class didn't even happen. The reminder alarm in my phone that goes off an hour before each class was given no attention whatsoever.

This may sound as though I'm being overly-dramatic (which is almost certainly the case).  But of all the reasons to decide to pass up an opportunity to dance (injury, illness, schedule conflict, exhaustion, flat tire, zombie attack, etc.), simply having no desire to is rarely the case.

Tonight I ended up going to the open gym practice at Mpact Gymnastics and worked on the fabric for a while, and after a little over an hour, the world was again as it should be.

Now obviously, I was just feeling a little burnt out (which is totally normal...tomorrow is the end of the 4 week dance camp I've been teaching for).  But it makes me happy that after all this time (22 years to be exact), and all the various occurrences of burnout over the years, still all I need is 4 days off from the burning drive to pursue it in order to fall in love with it all over again.

Rome

Rome is burning down in my mind.
Finding every excuse that traces the lines
left behind by smoking remains that glimmer
and reduce all my reasoning to whines and a simper.
Feeling sorry for myself, and abashed to admit
that I may have indulged when I thought I had quit.
Fell off of the wagon and bounced down the road,
rolled under the wheels, then stood up.  I suppose
that I'm being too hard on myself once again,
that it's not even necessarily the end.
But when will I learn not to strive and to strain
and to push so damn hard that I nigh burst a vein?
To just chill the fuck out and to just let things go
goes against every inch of all that I know
how to act, how to be, in my head and in life.
So obviously, I need a release...or a knife
to cut out all the crazy, controlling compulsions
that try to create/avoid the revoltion
that inevitably occurs whether I like it or not,
so I might as well get out of my head and my thoughts.

It's definitely you...

Current favorite Cadillac Sky song...I miss them being a band.

Old dancers never die...they just passé.

Okay, so I am nothing if not a huge, giant dork...today I came across a website selling god-awful-trinkety-vaguely-dance-related-gifty junk (mostly t-shirts and coffee mugs and posters and tote bags).  And though the sayings on everything were all unequivocally and almost unforgivably cheesy, several of them made me laugh out loud.  Read at your own risk.

If ballet was easier, it would be called football.

I may be a dancer, but I can eat like a fat kid!

Warning! Accident prone dancer.

Ballerina by day, deadly ninja by night.

I'm a dancer, I only count to 8.

When I'm not at school (work) I like to hang out at the neighborhood barre.

No, your other right foot.

I'm only wearing this because my tutu is in the wash.

Old dancers never die...they just passé.

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." - Albert Einstein

I need a circus man

Though steel, still beating my heart, passing from stone to ice.
Cold gripping the flow of life from my veins, all that remains from the sweet waters edge.
Dredged from the mud beneath what seemed wet and so clear.
Holding dear to the hope of one still untouched.
Unreached and searching too for one to entrust all the dreams and the truths.
Worn and maybe bruised, but not damaged beyond repair.
Complementary patterns and passions and obsessions. 
Redefining life walked as one and as two or possibly five.
Alive and still breathing, not just air, but fire.

...still be my vision, O Ruler of All

"Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,

naught be all else to me, save that thou art;

Thou my best thought by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, thou my true word,

I ever with thee and thou with me Lord;

Thou my great Father, I thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my battle shield, sword for the fight;

Be thou my dignity, thou my delight;

Thou my soul's shelter, thou my high tower:

Raise thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:

Thou mine inheritance now and always;

Thou and thou only first in my heart;

High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,

May I reach heaven's joys, O Bright Heaven's sun!;

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my vision, O Ruler of all."

- English Versification by Eleanor Hull 1912

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall...

"Rop tú mo baile, a Choimdiu cride:

ní ní nech aile acht Rí secht nime.

Rop tú mo scrútain i l-ló 's i n-aidche;

rop tú ad-chëar im chotlud caidche.

Rop tú mo labra, rop tú mo thuicsiu;

rop tussu dam-sa, rob misse duit-siu.

Rop tussu m'athair, rob mé do mac-su;

rop tussu lem-sa, rob misse lat-su.

Rop tú mo chathscíath, rop tú mo chlaideb;

rop tussu m'ordan, rop tussu m'airer.

Rop tú mo dítiu, rop tú mo daingen;

rop tú nom-thocba i n-áentaid n-aingel.

Rop tú cech maithius dom churp, dom anmain;

rop tú mo flaithius i n-nim 's i talmain.

Rop tussu t' áenur sainserc mo chride;

ní rop nech aile acht Airdrí nime.

Co talla forum, ré n-dul it láma,

mo chuit, mo chotlud, ar méit do gráda.

Rop tussu t' áenur m' urrann úais amra:

ní chuinngim daíne ná maíne marba.

Rop amlaid dínsiur cech sel, cech sáegul,

mar marb oc brénad, ar t' fégad t' áenur.

Do serc im anmain, do grád im chride,

tabair dam amlaid, a Rí secht nime.

Tabair dam amlaid, a Rí secht nime,

do serc im anmain, do grád im chride.

Go Ríg na n-uile rís íar m-búaid léire;

ro béo i flaith nime i n-gile gréine

A Athair inmain, cluinte mo núall-sa:

mithig (mo-núarán!) lasin trúagán trúag-sa.

A Chríst mo chride, cip ed dom-aire,

a Flaith na n-uile, rop tú mo baile."

"Be thou my vision O Lord of my heart

None other is aught but the King of the seven heavens.

Be thou my meditation by day and night.

May it be thou that I behold even in my sleep.

Be thou my speech, be thou my understanding.

Be thou with me, be I with thee

Be thou my father, be I thy son.

Mayst thou be mine, may I be thine.

Be thou my battle-shield, be thou my sword.

Be thou my dignity, be thou my delight.

Be thou my shelter, be thou my stronghold.

Mayst thou raise me up to the company of the angels.

Be thou every good to my body and soul.

Be thou my kingdom in heaven and on earth.

Be thou solely chief love of my heart.

Let there be none other, O high King of Heaven.

Till I am able to pass into thy hands,

My treasure, my beloved through the greatness of thy love

Be thou alone my noble and wondrous estate.

I seek not men nor lifeless wealth.

Be thou the constant guardian of every possession and every life.

For our corrupt desires are dead at the mere sight of thee.

Thy love in my soul and in my heart --

Grant this to me, O King of the seven heavens.

O King of the seven heavens grant me this --

Thy love to be in my heart and in my soul.

With the King of all, with him after victory won by piety,

May I be in the kingdom of heaven O brightness of the son.

Beloved Father, hear, hear my lamentations.

Timely is the cry of woe of this miserable wretch.

O heart of my heart, whatever befall me,

O ruler of all, be thou my vision."

- Original texts of the now-called Be Thou My Vision in Old Irish; English translation by Mary Byrne in 1905

Unwritten.

I want to be more.
I want a story.
I want to be the story,
and to write the story.
I want to be important enough to re-write history for.
There is something in me that is worth sharing.
Something worth tearing down for and tearing up over.
I believe.
I'm not being dramatic.
I'm not over-stating.
I am not afraid to fail.
Or if I am, I choose to not let that stop me.
I am not weak.
There is something bigger than me ready to eat it's way out.
But instead of devouring me, it's going to feed me.
And I will be ready.

Graceful Exit

My friend and I were recently having a conversation about relationships and how often people don't seem to be able to healthily let go of someone/something so that it is able to stay in their life by simply changing it's place or importance.  Not to in any way whatsoever toot my own horn, but for example, the fact that I am once again friends with my ex-fiance and the friend that he left me for.  And I say "once again friends" very purposefully instead of "still friends", because in the beginning it was messy and bad and there was definitely a good deal of time that we all made sure to not ever be in the same place at the same time.  But I very strongly believe that there are some people in your life that you can simply not replace.  And it occurred to me one day that my life was richer with the two of them in it, and if I chose to continue to be hurt and angry and bitter, then I was the one losing out.  But I also was not able to come to that conclusion until I completely let go of him and chose to move on from the relationship.  I got to a point (I'm sure only by the grace of God) to be able to see it truly for what it was...I didn't put it on a pedestal and only remember the good times, but nor did I throw it in the gutter and disacknowledge that there were ever any positive moments...it was an incredibly intense and defining relationship that I can't regret because I wouldn't be me without it, but it was also unhealthy and not right and the only way for me to grow as a person was to be out of it.  I guess I'm lingering on this point because I think that that is maybe the problem.  When a relationship (whether it be romantic or a friendship or whatever) ends, people have a tendency to not be honest about what it was and hold onto some idea of what they think it was and then not ever actually let it go.  Literally almost every time that someone finds out that I'm friends with my ex, they tell me either that I'm crazy or "well you're a better person than I am, I could never do that".  But why not??  Obviously there are some relationships that the healthy progression of letting go and moving on means that they are no longer in your life.  But it's more the fact that it's almost socially unacceptable to stay friends with an ex...and god forbid that your significant other is still friends with their ex, hell-to-the-no!  Why can there not be a healthy level of trust and friendship that is a result of truly letting go.  (I'm not saying that a married person should go have one-on-one candlelit dinners with an ex...but seriously why is it so hard to believe that someone whom you once cared deeply for in one way, you can still care deeply for in a completely other way??)

Ok I know that now I'm just up on a soapbox and dually ranting about a legitimate societal frustration and also in reference to a personal situation that I'm choosing to not naming names about.  I guess all these thoughts that have been swirling around my head lately finally culminated today when, while cleaning and organizing I started reading an old journal, and came across something I'd written down that a former pastor said once....I think it sums up the point I've been trying to make, much much more concisely than all my rambling:

"There is a trick to the graceful exit.   It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over - and let it go.  It means leaving what's over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives.  It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on, rather than out."
- Pastor Jim Hylton, 12/21/00

Story of my life

If you can't decide if you're dead or alive, you just need to feel that way once...

Some day I hope to be the Rebekah that could inspire something like this....