Graceful Exit

My friend and I were recently having a conversation about relationships and how often people don't seem to be able to healthily let go of someone/something so that it is able to stay in their life by simply changing it's place or importance.  Not to in any way whatsoever toot my own horn, but for example, the fact that I am once again friends with my ex-fiance and the friend that he left me for.  And I say "once again friends" very purposefully instead of "still friends", because in the beginning it was messy and bad and there was definitely a good deal of time that we all made sure to not ever be in the same place at the same time.  But I very strongly believe that there are some people in your life that you can simply not replace.  And it occurred to me one day that my life was richer with the two of them in it, and if I chose to continue to be hurt and angry and bitter, then I was the one losing out.  But I also was not able to come to that conclusion until I completely let go of him and chose to move on from the relationship.  I got to a point (I'm sure only by the grace of God) to be able to see it truly for what it was...I didn't put it on a pedestal and only remember the good times, but nor did I throw it in the gutter and disacknowledge that there were ever any positive moments...it was an incredibly intense and defining relationship that I can't regret because I wouldn't be me without it, but it was also unhealthy and not right and the only way for me to grow as a person was to be out of it.  I guess I'm lingering on this point because I think that that is maybe the problem.  When a relationship (whether it be romantic or a friendship or whatever) ends, people have a tendency to not be honest about what it was and hold onto some idea of what they think it was and then not ever actually let it go.  Literally almost every time that someone finds out that I'm friends with my ex, they tell me either that I'm crazy or "well you're a better person than I am, I could never do that".  But why not??  Obviously there are some relationships that the healthy progression of letting go and moving on means that they are no longer in your life.  But it's more the fact that it's almost socially unacceptable to stay friends with an ex...and god forbid that your significant other is still friends with their ex, hell-to-the-no!  Why can there not be a healthy level of trust and friendship that is a result of truly letting go.  (I'm not saying that a married person should go have one-on-one candlelit dinners with an ex...but seriously why is it so hard to believe that someone whom you once cared deeply for in one way, you can still care deeply for in a completely other way??)

Ok I know that now I'm just up on a soapbox and dually ranting about a legitimate societal frustration and also in reference to a personal situation that I'm choosing to not naming names about.  I guess all these thoughts that have been swirling around my head lately finally culminated today when, while cleaning and organizing I started reading an old journal, and came across something I'd written down that a former pastor said once....I think it sums up the point I've been trying to make, much much more concisely than all my rambling:

"There is a trick to the graceful exit.   It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over - and let it go.  It means leaving what's over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives.  It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on, rather than out."
- Pastor Jim Hylton, 12/21/00

Story of my life

If you can't decide if you're dead or alive, you just need to feel that way once...

Some day I hope to be the Rebekah that could inspire something like this....