I apparently picked the right profession

The past 4 days I have not wanted to dance.

I have not wanted to stretch.

I have not wanted to move.

The debate that usually happens in my head of deciding whether or not to go to class didn't even happen. The reminder alarm in my phone that goes off an hour before each class was given no attention whatsoever.

This may sound as though I'm being overly-dramatic (which is almost certainly the case).  But of all the reasons to decide to pass up an opportunity to dance (injury, illness, schedule conflict, exhaustion, flat tire, zombie attack, etc.), simply having no desire to is rarely the case.

Tonight I ended up going to the open gym practice at Mpact Gymnastics and worked on the fabric for a while, and after a little over an hour, the world was again as it should be.

Now obviously, I was just feeling a little burnt out (which is totally normal...tomorrow is the end of the 4 week dance camp I've been teaching for).  But it makes me happy that after all this time (22 years to be exact), and all the various occurrences of burnout over the years, still all I need is 4 days off from the burning drive to pursue it in order to fall in love with it all over again.

Rome

Rome is burning down in my mind.
Finding every excuse that traces the lines
left behind by smoking remains that glimmer
and reduce all my reasoning to whines and a simper.
Feeling sorry for myself, and abashed to admit
that I may have indulged when I thought I had quit.
Fell off of the wagon and bounced down the road,
rolled under the wheels, then stood up.  I suppose
that I'm being too hard on myself once again,
that it's not even necessarily the end.
But when will I learn not to strive and to strain
and to push so damn hard that I nigh burst a vein?
To just chill the fuck out and to just let things go
goes against every inch of all that I know
how to act, how to be, in my head and in life.
So obviously, I need a release...or a knife
to cut out all the crazy, controlling compulsions
that try to create/avoid the revoltion
that inevitably occurs whether I like it or not,
so I might as well get out of my head and my thoughts.

It's definitely you...

Current favorite Cadillac Sky song...I miss them being a band.

Old dancers never die...they just passé.

Okay, so I am nothing if not a huge, giant dork...today I came across a website selling god-awful-trinkety-vaguely-dance-related-gifty junk (mostly t-shirts and coffee mugs and posters and tote bags).  And though the sayings on everything were all unequivocally and almost unforgivably cheesy, several of them made me laugh out loud.  Read at your own risk.

If ballet was easier, it would be called football.

I may be a dancer, but I can eat like a fat kid!

Warning! Accident prone dancer.

Ballerina by day, deadly ninja by night.

I'm a dancer, I only count to 8.

When I'm not at school (work) I like to hang out at the neighborhood barre.

No, your other right foot.

I'm only wearing this because my tutu is in the wash.

Old dancers never die...they just passé.

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." - Albert Einstein

I need a circus man

Though steel, still beating my heart, passing from stone to ice.
Cold gripping the flow of life from my veins, all that remains from the sweet waters edge.
Dredged from the mud beneath what seemed wet and so clear.
Holding dear to the hope of one still untouched.
Unreached and searching too for one to entrust all the dreams and the truths.
Worn and maybe bruised, but not damaged beyond repair.
Complementary patterns and passions and obsessions. 
Redefining life walked as one and as two or possibly five.
Alive and still breathing, not just air, but fire.

...still be my vision, O Ruler of All

"Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,

naught be all else to me, save that thou art;

Thou my best thought by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, thou my true word,

I ever with thee and thou with me Lord;

Thou my great Father, I thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my battle shield, sword for the fight;

Be thou my dignity, thou my delight;

Thou my soul's shelter, thou my high tower:

Raise thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:

Thou mine inheritance now and always;

Thou and thou only first in my heart;

High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,

May I reach heaven's joys, O Bright Heaven's sun!;

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my vision, O Ruler of all."

- English Versification by Eleanor Hull 1912