Words vol. 1

I've been realizing lately how much words mean to me.  A few years ago my best friend described me as an "external processor".  And it was like a light bulb went off.  My whole life the only way for me to make a decision or work out a problem was to talk it out.  Sometimes even talking to the wall will do, but somehow getting it all out of my head and into the air is the only way for me to work.  When I was younger and working on some of my first freelance choreography gigs, I used to make my sister stay up (sometimes very late into the night) with me so I could talk through my ideas and show them to her as I went.  

But sometimes when I'm really emotional I have a hard time organizing my thoughts into words....actually, that's not entirely the case...it's more that I have a hard time getting them into any sort of coherent stream.  I end up reverting simply to individual words (i.e. Pain. Love. Anger. Frustration. Manipulation. Communication. Why?)  Either that or I use poem or music lyrics.  You know they say the way to know if you're in love is if all the love songs suddenly make sense...or if you're going through a breakup suddenly all the breakup songs were written about you.  Well for me it seems as though the music that I am drawn to in general can usually be turned to in various times of emotion (whether it be happy, sad, lonely, excited, etc) and used to speak for me.  If I look back throughout my years of blogging, it is evident how much this is the case.  The times that I was feeling the most are usually full of posts containing only strings of individual words or copy/pasted song lyrics.
I am most definitely my parents child....I have the overly-emotional side from my mom, and the overly-practical/logical one from my dad.  I think that even in the times I'm at my most melodramatic, my brain knows I'm not being completely rational or in control and so, when writing at those times, instead of putting exactly what I'm feeling into my own words (and possibly regretting them later when I'm a bit more objective), I instead turn to these safer, more vague ways of expression....individual words that could be interpreted various ways, or songs & poems that are someone else's.

It's also occurring to me at the very moment, that I really should write more often because it can sometimes serve as another form of external processing for my brain.  (in fact, that statement is the proof of itself)

I have other thoughts on my love affair with words....more later....